As a Muslim woman, sex and intimacy is a funny topic. You may jokingly discuss it with your friends but it’s unlikely to come up as something to talk about with your mother. Even with your friends bar talking about frequency or the odd moment most feel too embarrassed to go into too much detail. You find yourself apologising to your best friend before disclosing tidbits about your sex life and then feel relief when you find out she knows exactly what you are talking about.
We all have children or know how to make them so you would assume we have done the deed at some point but what happens when the daily grind of going to work and looking after kids takes a toll on your sex life. There is nothing wrong in your relationship as such, you both just essentially end up prioritising sleep. You never find the time but you find yourself longing for some intimacy. After all women have needs too!
If you are in a rut and need to get out of it, or if you’re just curious about what it would be like to be more of a boss in bed (yes you), taking more control might just be what you have been missing in your life. Here are some ways to get going:
Just because he is your partner / husband does not mean he knows what you want or what you enjoy. If you stay quiet and just go along with whatever he likes your sex life will become boring real quick. Be confident and open about what you like to do more of/try. Even if you have a lack of ideas raising the subject might unexpectedly help you both come up with something together. Don’t worry about him thinking you are being too forward. He is more likely to be blown away with your new found confidence.
Make the first move. Just doing this alone can spice things up. Surprising your partner with a sexy suggestion is a great way to experiment with being in charge. Picking the specifics of how, when, and where is likely to feel empowering once you get over your initial nerves. Just remember you are in control. Start small if you need to. Hold his hand while you watch TV. It may seem small in the grand scheme of things but little acts of care and love will make you both feel good.
Say Something Raunchy
This is all about building up how comfortable you are with each other. If you are new to this just start by saying how you feel when being intimate with your partner. It can even be via message or phone initially until you get in the swing of it. Remember this is supposed to be all about enjoying each other so there is no right or wrong. If you need inspiration then google is your friend (just be careful what you type in the search box).
Try Something New
If you’re looking for something more advanced, you can try playing with sensations (think cold/warm, rough/soft), trying out new toys, or stimulating body parts that you usually leave alone. Even something as simple as a blindfold can be a very powerful thing in the bedroom.
Be Romantic & Build the Tension
As a woman, Muslim or not you normally expect your partner to make most of the effort on this aspect. Switch it up! Light some candles, give him a massage and make him feel special. Set the tone for the evening early on in the day by telling him straight up what the plan is when he comes home from work. Again with everything if you feel weird start small. Breakfast in bed an hour before the kids wake up?
Muslim Mamas is a community free of judgement. We encourage our fellow sisters to feel empowered. It goes without saying that any form of intimacy is only acceptable if it is between two consenting adults. Let us know in the comments how you keep the romance alive!
Mum to three teenagers and a little one, master of none. My faith in Allah is what gets me through every situation. For everything else, humour and solace in chocolate is the way to go! The go to person for my straight talking no nonsense approach to life I love sharing my perspective and believe that speaking from the heart will get you where you need to be.