• Latest
  • Contribute
  • Contact Us
  • Login
  • Register
Muslim Mamas
  • Login
  • About Us
    • About Muslim Mamas
    • Our Team
    • Portfolio
    • Meet The Writers
  • Articles
    • All
    • Baby Led Weaning
    • Back to School
    • Beauty
    • Blogger news
    • Book Review
    • Breastfeeding
    • British Muslim Bloggers
    • Business
    • Business Mums
    • Career
    • Caught our eye
    • Charity
    • Chef Hat
    • Childcare
    • Children
    • Community
    • Conception
    • Culture
    • Days Out
    • Discoveries
    • Discrimination
    • Divorce
    • Duas
    • Eco Choices
    • Education
    • Entrepreneurs
    • Family Diet
    • Family Life
    • Fashion
    • Featured
    • Food
    • Friendships
    • Glass Ceiling
    • Global Muslim Bloggers
    • Going Organic
    • Good Reads
    • Green Life
    • Health
    • Healthy Eats
    • Healthy Kids
    • Higher Education
    • Holidays
    • Home Schooling
    • House & Home
    • How-To
    • Inspirations
    • Interesting reads
    • Islamic Calendar
    • Islamic Gems
    • Juggling
    • Kids Books
    • Labour
    • Life As we Know It
    • Lifestyle
    • Marriage
    • Money Talk
    • Mother in Law
    • Motherhood
    • Mums That Study
    • Muslim Spotlight
    • Muslim Vloggers
    • New Mum
    • Newborn
    • Parenting
    • Postnatal
    • Pregnancy
    • Premium
    • Quran
    • Ramadan
    • Recipes
    • Recycling
    • Relationships
    • Reminders
    • Retraining
    • Sex Talk
    • Single Mum
    • Sisters Circles
    • Skincare
    • Social Media
    • Socialising
    • Stories
    • Tear Jerker
    • Teens
    • Toddler
    • Traditions
    • Travel
    • Trouble at the Office
    • TV Talk
    • Uncategorized
    • Uni Kids
    • What to eat
    • What we're watching
    • Whats App Groups
    • Where to eat
    • Winning
    • Working Mums
    • World

    Everything you need to know about Ramadan Fasting During Pregnancy

    In Memory of my Dada (Grandad)

    To the Mama who isn’t Practicing

    Reaping a richer Ramadan with children

    Asmaa Hussein - Ruqaya's Bookshelf

    I Took My Hijab Off Today

    Navigating Christmas as a Muslim Revert

    Trending Tags

    • Premium
    • Work From Home
  • Podcast
    • Episodes
    • Platforms
      • Amazon Music
      • Apple Podcast
      • Spotify
    • About Us
    • Pod Gems
  • Categories
    • Motherhood
      • Conception
      • Pregnancy
      • Labour
      • Postnatal
      • Breastfeeding
      • Contraception
      • Newborn
      • Toddler
      • Children
      • Teens
      • Uni Kids
      • Parenting
      • New Mum
    • Relationships
      • Marriage
      • Single Mum
      • Divorce
      • Mother in Law
      • Family Life
      • Friendships
      • Socialising
      • Meet ups
      • Sisters Circles
      • Whats App Groups
      • Married kids
      • Sex Talk
    • Food
      • Where to eat
      • What to eat
      • Healthy Eats
      • Allergies
      • Recipes
      • Baby Led Weaning
      • Family Diet
      • Healthy Kids
      • Pack Lunch
      • Chef Hat
    • Lifestyle
      • Beauty
      • Skincare
      • Fashion
      • Days Out
      • Nights Out
      • Holidays
      • Discoveries
      • Traditions
      • Culture
      • Mum Accessories
      • Competition & Give Away
      • TV Talk
      • Social Media
      • Travel
    • Blogger news
      • British Muslim Bloggers
      • Global Muslim Bloggers
      • Muslim Vloggers
      • Muslim Spotlight
      • Caught our eye
    • Career
      • Working Mums
      • Childcare
      • Juggling
      • Trouble at the Office
      • Glass Ceiling
      • Winning
      • Inspirations
      • Business Mums
      • Entrepreneurs
      • Business
    • Education
      • Home Schooling
      • Back to School
      • Retraining
      • Higher Education
      • Mums That Study
      • Kids Books
    • Islamic Gems
      • Quran
      • Tafseer
      • Reminders
      • Duas
      • Stories
      • Islamic Calendar
      • Interesting reads
    • Green Life
      • Going Organic
      • Recycling
      • Eco Choices
    • Life As we Know It
      • Money Talk
      • Discrimination
      • What we’re watching
      • Tear Jerker
  • VIP Lounge
    • Enter VIP Lounge
    • Library
  • Directory
    • Businesses
    • Add Listing
  • Newsletter
No Result
View All Result
  • Login
  • About Us
    • About Muslim Mamas
    • Our Team
    • Portfolio
    • Meet The Writers
  • Articles
    • All
    • Baby Led Weaning
    • Back to School
    • Beauty
    • Blogger news
    • Book Review
    • Breastfeeding
    • British Muslim Bloggers
    • Business
    • Business Mums
    • Career
    • Caught our eye
    • Charity
    • Chef Hat
    • Childcare
    • Children
    • Community
    • Conception
    • Culture
    • Days Out
    • Discoveries
    • Discrimination
    • Divorce
    • Duas
    • Eco Choices
    • Education
    • Entrepreneurs
    • Family Diet
    • Family Life
    • Fashion
    • Featured
    • Food
    • Friendships
    • Glass Ceiling
    • Global Muslim Bloggers
    • Going Organic
    • Good Reads
    • Green Life
    • Health
    • Healthy Eats
    • Healthy Kids
    • Higher Education
    • Holidays
    • Home Schooling
    • House & Home
    • How-To
    • Inspirations
    • Interesting reads
    • Islamic Calendar
    • Islamic Gems
    • Juggling
    • Kids Books
    • Labour
    • Life As we Know It
    • Lifestyle
    • Marriage
    • Money Talk
    • Mother in Law
    • Motherhood
    • Mums That Study
    • Muslim Spotlight
    • Muslim Vloggers
    • New Mum
    • Newborn
    • Parenting
    • Postnatal
    • Pregnancy
    • Premium
    • Quran
    • Ramadan
    • Recipes
    • Recycling
    • Relationships
    • Reminders
    • Retraining
    • Sex Talk
    • Single Mum
    • Sisters Circles
    • Skincare
    • Social Media
    • Socialising
    • Stories
    • Tear Jerker
    • Teens
    • Toddler
    • Traditions
    • Travel
    • Trouble at the Office
    • TV Talk
    • Uncategorized
    • Uni Kids
    • What to eat
    • What we're watching
    • Whats App Groups
    • Where to eat
    • Winning
    • Working Mums
    • World

    Everything you need to know about Ramadan Fasting During Pregnancy

    In Memory of my Dada (Grandad)

    To the Mama who isn’t Practicing

    Reaping a richer Ramadan with children

    Asmaa Hussein - Ruqaya's Bookshelf

    I Took My Hijab Off Today

    Navigating Christmas as a Muslim Revert

    Trending Tags

    • Premium
    • Work From Home
  • Podcast
    • Episodes
    • Platforms
      • Amazon Music
      • Apple Podcast
      • Spotify
    • About Us
    • Pod Gems
  • Categories
    • Motherhood
      • Conception
      • Pregnancy
      • Labour
      • Postnatal
      • Breastfeeding
      • Contraception
      • Newborn
      • Toddler
      • Children
      • Teens
      • Uni Kids
      • Parenting
      • New Mum
    • Relationships
      • Marriage
      • Single Mum
      • Divorce
      • Mother in Law
      • Family Life
      • Friendships
      • Socialising
      • Meet ups
      • Sisters Circles
      • Whats App Groups
      • Married kids
      • Sex Talk
    • Food
      • Where to eat
      • What to eat
      • Healthy Eats
      • Allergies
      • Recipes
      • Baby Led Weaning
      • Family Diet
      • Healthy Kids
      • Pack Lunch
      • Chef Hat
    • Lifestyle
      • Beauty
      • Skincare
      • Fashion
      • Days Out
      • Nights Out
      • Holidays
      • Discoveries
      • Traditions
      • Culture
      • Mum Accessories
      • Competition & Give Away
      • TV Talk
      • Social Media
      • Travel
    • Blogger news
      • British Muslim Bloggers
      • Global Muslim Bloggers
      • Muslim Vloggers
      • Muslim Spotlight
      • Caught our eye
    • Career
      • Working Mums
      • Childcare
      • Juggling
      • Trouble at the Office
      • Glass Ceiling
      • Winning
      • Inspirations
      • Business Mums
      • Entrepreneurs
      • Business
    • Education
      • Home Schooling
      • Back to School
      • Retraining
      • Higher Education
      • Mums That Study
      • Kids Books
    • Islamic Gems
      • Quran
      • Tafseer
      • Reminders
      • Duas
      • Stories
      • Islamic Calendar
      • Interesting reads
    • Green Life
      • Going Organic
      • Recycling
      • Eco Choices
    • Life As we Know It
      • Money Talk
      • Discrimination
      • What we’re watching
      • Tear Jerker
  • VIP Lounge
    • Enter VIP Lounge
    • Library
  • Directory
    • Businesses
    • Add Listing
  • Newsletter
No Result
View All Result
Muslim Mamas
No Result
View All Result
Home Relationships Family Life

And So The Grief Goes On… by Nafisa Rahimi

Nafisa Rahimi by Nafisa Rahimi
09/09/2021
in Family Life, Life As we Know It
0 0
2
0
SHARES
422
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

I was trapped in the teetering REM moment of that half-asleep half-awake slumber of sleep paralysis. Four consecutive late nights of working until 3am would do that to you. It was inevitable that I would find myself back there, trapped between two worlds, soul flitting in and out like those giant pendulums. My chest squeezed tight, fighting off this feeling of being spun in a tornado of unpleasantness. Trying to remember to hold my breath which would force me out of this trance, I kept misreading ayatul kursi as it was hard to do both. 

As I lay there fighting my own demons, I could hear someone pottering around in the kitchen downstairs. My subconscious could see the light filtering through the curtains and it almost felt like those summer days from my childhood though we are bang in the middle of winter. Even through my sleep, my senses could smell the fragrance of childhood breakfasts, the familiar sounds comforting me. I could almost reach out and grab that feeling of being safe. 

My subconscious saw my late father’s face for a fleeting second before it whittled away, and I continued the battle of trying to wake. Suddenly the fight freezes as I hear my dad’s voice, clear as daylight call out to me, ‘Nafisa reh’ as he used to, in Bengali endearment. I was immediately transported back to my younger self, of a time where things were simple. The days were bright. It was familiar. It was routine. 

I would be in bed, my parents would be up. I could hear them. They would call me down for breakfast, and I would be welcomed with the aroma of spices of the traditional and oh so humble ‘aloo bazi’ (thinly sliced spiced fried potatoes) as well as the delicious and deeply fattening paratha (flatbread) accompanied with rich, dark spicy lamb with a thick gravy; almost a bhuna-like consistency. I could see it in almost microscopic detail, the sheen and glisten of oil.

 

 

 

We would sit around the oval, mahogany dining table, and chit chat about life, his masjid work, politics, education, family and whatever took our fancy. Even the silences were golden.

The memory was so sharp, it felt real.

My dad’s voice.

The normality of life.

The familiarity and comfort, hugging you like a blanket; the warmth wrapping you from head to toe. The heart at peace.

Trapped between two worlds, I slowly pulled away and focused on trying to wake up. After being squeezed and spun around like what felt a thousand times, I woke up sharply, my mouth dry and my throat parched.

Though I was glad to be awake, a sudden feeling of deep sadness engulfed me.

‘NAFISA REH!’

Oh, how I longed to be called so again, my baba’s voice so strong and clear. 

So real.

How I longed to go back to my past, where my father’s hands covered mine, and I would feel so safe. When I could have a nightmare even well into my 20’s and be able to run into his bedroom next door, wake him up and tell him about my dream. He would pray and reassure me, his words comforted me and I would instantly feel safe and loved.

And so, the grief goes on.

As an adult now, responsible for four small human beings, I realise how they must see me – as a pillar of safety and love. As an arm of hugs, and a lap to lay their souls bare. As a shoulder to carry their anxieties or to simply hold them up, boosting their confidence. A hand to hold their nerves or wipe their tears. A presence to comfort them. A shadow to shelter them. 

Above all, I must be the very heart they seek love and validation from.

Little do they know though, as strong as I am, as ‘adult’ as I am, I am but a child just like them.

Yearning the very same.

May Allah grant all our parents jannah without hisaab and protect all our loved ones, ameen.

By Nafisa Rahimi

 

Nafisa Rahimi

Nafisa Rahimi

By Nafisa Rahimi Co-Founder of Muslim Mamas, Super Smart Learners English (a unique educational programme) and an award-winning 'Best Podcast 2020' - Not Another Mum Pod. The audio Ramadan diaries are now a Permanent Collection of the Museum of London. Nafisa has recently been named in Techmae's ‘Woman Spotlight’. Nafisa's pods regularly make waves, frequently ranking in Apple Podcast charts worldwide (no.12 in Sweden and 13 in UK ). Nafisa faces difficult topics head-on in an attempt to grab the mic, and address Muslim-related issues with authentic Muslim voices. Nafisa lives in London with her four children and husband. She enjoys writing, eating out, travelling and hanging out with 'Friends'! Read all about it here: https://linktr.ee/Nafisa.Rahimi        

Related Posts

Duas

In Memory of my Dada (Grandad)

by Nargis Jahan-Uddin
03/14/2023
Family Life

Navigating Christmas as a Muslim Revert

by Sarah Yataghane
02/02/2023
Family Life

Caring for our elders as Muslim Mamas

by Sarah Yataghane
02/02/2023
Health

Breast Cancer Awareness Month – My Mother’s Diagnosis

by Sarah Yataghane
02/02/2023
Money Talk

Money Saving Hacks

by Guest Writer
08/24/2022

Comments 2

  1. Nargis Jahan-Uddin says:
    2 years ago

    So beautifully written, may Allah grant him the highest rank in Jannah. Ameen

    Reply
  2. Nafisa Rahimi says:
    2 years ago

    Ameen to your du’as, thank you for saying so. Writing is the only way I cope with grief. May Allah have mercy ameen.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I agree to the Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.

Premium Content

Dishes At Every Iraqi Wedding by Fareeda Saddiq

08/17/2021

Toxic friendships – learning when it’s time to say goodbye

06/10/2022
A Collective Dua to Start the New Year

A Collective Dua to Begin 2022

01/07/2022

Browse by Category

  • Baby Led Weaning
  • Back to School
  • Beauty
  • Blogger news
  • Book Review
  • Breastfeeding
  • British Muslim Bloggers
  • Business
  • Business Mums
  • Career
  • Caught our eye
  • Charity
  • Chef Hat
  • Childcare
  • Children
  • Community
  • Conception
  • Culture
  • Days Out
  • Discoveries
  • Discrimination
  • Divorce
  • Duas
  • Eco Choices
  • Education
  • Entrepreneurs
  • Family Diet
  • Family Life
  • Fashion
  • Featured
  • Food
  • Friendships
  • Glass Ceiling
  • Global Muslim Bloggers
  • Going Organic
  • Good Reads
  • Green Life
  • Health
  • Healthy Eats
  • Healthy Kids
  • Higher Education
  • Holidays
  • Home Schooling
  • House & Home
  • How-To
  • Inspirations
  • Interesting reads
  • Islamic Calendar
  • Islamic Gems
  • Juggling
  • Kids Books
  • Labour
  • Life As we Know It
  • Lifestyle
  • Marriage
  • Money Talk
  • Mother in Law
  • Motherhood
  • Mums That Study
  • Muslim Spotlight
  • Muslim Vloggers
  • New Mum
  • Newborn
  • Parenting
  • Postnatal
  • Pregnancy
  • Premium
  • Quran
  • Ramadan
  • Recipes
  • Recycling
  • Relationships
  • Reminders
  • Retraining
  • Sex Talk
  • Single Mum
  • Sisters Circles
  • Skincare
  • Social Media
  • Socialising
  • Stories
  • Tear Jerker
  • Teens
  • Toddler
  • Traditions
  • Travel
  • Trouble at the Office
  • TV Talk
  • Uncategorized
  • Uni Kids
  • What to eat
  • What we're watching
  • Whats App Groups
  • Where to eat
  • Winning
  • Working Mums
  • World

Browse by Tags

author beauty Book review books Charity children covid culture divorce dua education health healthcare hijab hijabi hijabi influencers husband Instagram Islamic reminder islamic reminders lifestyle marketplace marriage media modest fashion motherhood muslim author Muslim Mamas NHS pandemic parenthood parenting Publishing Ramadan Ramadan22 Ramadan2022 relationships sadaqah safety salah sales shopping spirituality sunnah tips and tricks

Quick Links

  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Become A Writer
  • Meet The Writers
  • Promote Your Business
  • Host An Event
  • Host A Course

Recent Posts

  • Everything you need to know about Ramadan Fasting During Pregnancy
  • In Memory of my Dada (Grandad)
  • To the Mama who isn’t Practicing

Follow Us

Signup for our Newsletter

Loading...

Thank you!

You have successfully joined our subscriber list.
.

Muslim Mamas © 2022 Copyrighted to Muslim Mamas

  • Login
  • Sign Up
No Result
View All Result
  • Login
  • About Us
    • About Muslim Mamas
    • Our Team
    • Portfolio
    • Meet The Writers
  • Articles
  • Podcast
    • Episodes
    • Platforms
      • Amazon Music
      • Apple Podcast
      • Spotify
    • About Us
    • Pod Gems
  • Categories
    • Motherhood
      • Conception
      • Pregnancy
      • Labour
      • Postnatal
      • Breastfeeding
      • Contraception
      • Newborn
      • Toddler
      • Children
      • Teens
      • Uni Kids
      • Parenting
      • New Mum
    • Relationships
      • Marriage
      • Single Mum
      • Divorce
      • Mother in Law
      • Family Life
      • Friendships
      • Socialising
      • Meet ups
      • Sisters Circles
      • Whats App Groups
      • Married kids
      • Sex Talk
    • Food
      • Where to eat
      • What to eat
      • Healthy Eats
      • Allergies
      • Recipes
      • Baby Led Weaning
      • Family Diet
      • Healthy Kids
      • Pack Lunch
      • Chef Hat
    • Lifestyle
      • Beauty
      • Skincare
      • Fashion
      • Days Out
      • Nights Out
      • Holidays
      • Discoveries
      • Traditions
      • Culture
      • Mum Accessories
      • Competition & Give Away
      • TV Talk
      • Social Media
      • Travel
    • Blogger news
      • British Muslim Bloggers
      • Global Muslim Bloggers
      • Muslim Vloggers
      • Muslim Spotlight
      • Caught our eye
    • Career
      • Working Mums
      • Childcare
      • Juggling
      • Trouble at the Office
      • Glass Ceiling
      • Winning
      • Inspirations
      • Business Mums
      • Entrepreneurs
      • Business
    • Education
      • Home Schooling
      • Back to School
      • Retraining
      • Higher Education
      • Mums That Study
      • Kids Books
    • Islamic Gems
      • Quran
      • Tafseer
      • Reminders
      • Duas
      • Stories
      • Islamic Calendar
      • Interesting reads
    • Green Life
      • Going Organic
      • Recycling
      • Eco Choices
    • Life As we Know It
      • Money Talk
      • Discrimination
      • What we’re watching
      • Tear Jerker
  • VIP Lounge
    • Enter VIP Lounge
    • Library
  • Directory
    • Businesses
    • Add Listing
  • Newsletter

Muslim Mamas © 2022 Copyrighted to Muslim Mamas

Welcome Back!

Sign In with Facebook
Sign In with Google
OR

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password? Sign Up

Create New Account!

Sign Up with Facebook
Sign Up with Google
OR

Fill the forms bellow to register

*By registering into our website, you agree to the Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.
All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
This website uses cookies. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. Visit our Privacy and Cookie Policy.