Your children will always keep you on your toes and will be surprising you with the things they come out with. Some say, if parenting were a horror movie, then the villain would be the terrible twos. But what about the ‘eff you’ fours and the sassy sixes. Here’s what you should expect at each phase of your child growing up until the age of seven. If you are anything like me and you are asking other parents if it gets any easier. This is for you!
‘Terrible Twos’
Welcome to the terrible twos: a time when outbursts of “no!” dominates your child’s vocabulary. Keep in mind, this is when they’re developing independence and learning how to express frustration. The little terrors will thrive on destroying things, eating things, peeing on things, climbing on things and giving you panic attacks as they jump off of anything that looks remotely dangerous. Once you have a two year old in the house, your home’s terror threat level will permanently be high. Expect anything at this age. Well, anything but peace and quiet.
Threenager
This is when you realise you no longer gave birth to what was once a calm little angel. Three-year-olds are like little teenagers without the braces. They have all the attitude and eye-rolling of a teen. If you’re lucky, the most loving thing your threenager will say to you is, ‘Mummy, you have a big tummy.’ But, this’ll be a lot better than her usual comment to you ‘You’re the worst mummy ever’ or my personal favourite ‘I hate you’.
‘Eff You’ Fours
Four-year-olds see the world through an ‘eff you!’ – coloured lens. They will always be looking for ways to tell you that you’re wrong and that you don’t know what you’re talking about, or even how they’d love to live with someone else. This will seem deceptive as 4-year-olds are normally absolutely adorable… when they’re asleep. Don’t be fooled by their dreamy eyes, 4-year-olds are brutal.
The Fabulous Fives
Your child’s fifth birthday will seem to move in slow motion as you smile with pride. That’s because, for the first time in your parenting life, you realise your child has moulded into their very own character, a real human being, that you created. Nappies, cribs, dummies will all be gone. In their place will be a small but loving human being that doesn’t pee their pants or throw a temper tantrum every time you take them out. Enjoy age five while it lasts.
The Sassy Sixes
Six year olds are the experts at everything, or so they think. It’ll be like having an Alexa that you can’t switch off. Just as you started to get used to the fabulous five year old, for her sixth birthday she opened up a gift box filled with never-ending sass.
Seven Going On Thirty
This is when your child will become super aware of everything. Ms or Mr independent will watch your every move and question everything. You better have your answers together and look like you know what you are talking about otherwise taking you seriously will become a thing of the past.
Are you surviving? Let us know in the comments!
