Approximately 3 months after giving birth mamas get in the swing of caring for their new baby and cabin fever kicks in. Those long days spent at home cuddling and feeding your little one although precious leave you longing for interaction outside of your inner home circle. You now have a baby in tow and walking around a shopping centre for half a day no longer appeals.
Enter the mother and baby clubs, a safe space where changing a nappy in the middle of the floor and making weird noises is completely normal. You tell yourself it’s for your baby’s development but really you just want to make new friends given that visiting high end restaurants, watching 3 hour movies and smoking shisha with your friends is no longer in the picture. Who else will be willing to talk to you about your child’s bowel movements and sleep patterns with enthusiasm right?
I did the mummy group thing for a while and, to be quite honest with you, found it only slightly more enjoyable than labour. Most groups involve sitting in a circle waving props in your babies face and singing enthusiastically at them. The little ones love it but is it selfish to say that I didn’t get much from it.
On that note, here are 10 mums you’ll encounter at a baby group (disclaimer: I am at least four of these personality types) …
1) The Judgy Mum
This mum gives you a look of disappointment/ pity when she sees you putting formula in a bottle or pull out crisps as a snack for your baby. She starts sentences with “It’s a shame… and insists that she’s not being judgemental, she’s just trying to help. Apparently…
2) The Organiser Mum
This one is a powerhouse at getting things done and knowing where she is at with everything. Routine is key and she was the first one to approach you when you joined. She’s the admin of her own mum club group on Whatsapp and takes the lead in organising cliche coffee mornings with other mums after baby club. As much as you feel that she is overbearing you also secretly feel guilty for not being able to get everything in your life in line as well as this mum appears to have it. I just have space for a planner in my baby bag!
3) The ‘I don’t want to be here’ Mum
This mum is here by accident. She likes her own child but didn’t quite do her homework on what the mother baby club setting actually is. She thought she could relax and scroll on her phone while her child puts random objects in her mouth. Not do planned out activities and listen to other mums endlessly going on about their child’s development and day to day activity. She’s paid for 6 weeks so she has to stick it out. After that point you won’t see her again.
4) The Loving Life mum
“Being a mum is the best thing ever, isn’t it the best thing ever? I just LOVE being a mum!” The loving life mum has so much energy and happiness. Nothing is too much trouble and she takes everything in her stride. You either love or hate this one.
5) The ‘capture the moment ‘ Mum
This mum will only put her phone down when absolutely necessary. Mother and baby club is an opportunity to capture a gazillion pictures of her little one at every angle. She then proceeds to share all of the photos on her social media which you are obliged to comment and like. No exciting milestone is missed – including the first ever trip to CostCo.
6) The Hesitant Mum
You know the one. She is always on google and wants to research everything. She’s scared that anything can lead to her child having an allergic reaction / injury. The toy you bought your child is not age appropriate and the teddy bear outfit you put your son in she kindly informs you is highly flammable. This mum won’t join in with the socials after the club as she is worried her child will be too tired or suffer as a result of a change in routine.
7) The Boss Mum
Aka. The one that makes you look bad. Everything is perfect. Motherhood is a breeze and the baby club is scheduled alongside her career and gym. She planned her child’s first birthday already and her baby has everything and more. There kid is reciting Quran at 2 and will probably graduate Uni 5 years early.
8) The ‘I can sing louder than everyone else’ Mum
Singing in public is very few people’s idea of fun but there’s always one mum who just loves the sound of her voice/ likes to show off that she’s learned all the words to all the nursery rhymes ever known to mankind. She had a child just so she could join this group.
9) The Snobby Mum
This mum has the latest pram, gadgets and her baby is dressed in designer clothing. You look at her with secret satisfaction knowing your child has the exact same outfit which she also wore for 10 minutes before getting yogurt all over but for £5 from Primark.
10) That One Dad
And finally, there’s the one who’s not a mum. This dad turns up full of energy, doesn’t bother singing any songs but ends up having the most fun with his baby. You envy and admire this man all in the same moment.
I am a business graduate and live in Glasgow. After taking a career break after my second child, I have not looked back. I now have 4 children and love my role as a stay-at-home mum. I value all the benefits of staying at home with my children and feel I am privileged to be able to do that. I passionately believe that the role of a mother is more important than any other and should be celebrated.